Life and Family: Legacies of a Loss

My name is Mark Wesseldine, I'm a NYC fireman. Ted and Paul have been asking me for years to write a column for Fire Nuggets. I never got around to writing anything. I am a "hands-on" type of person. My friend and colleague was the writer. That's why I'm writing this column. He's gone now!

The night before the "Fathers Day Fire" my girlfriend asked me how many firemen have died since I started? I didn't know the number. I guessed at around 30 or so.

On my way out of headquarters, I looked at the wall of names of the men who died in the line of duty since our departments inception. I then went to the year I was appointed and started counting. When I was finished, I was at 58. I was shocked at that number. By the time I was to get home three more brothers would have to be added to this list. Two whom I knew, one who was just in a class of mine about a week and a half before he died. Times were tough.

Since firefighting began, firefighters have died. Since I began my career, 61 firemen have died in NYC — pre-9-11. Many, many more nationwide. Pre-9-11, on a personal basis, I only knew less than a dozen who gave the ultimate sacrifice. None that I could say was a close friend. Nine-eleven changed that. Nine-eleven is, no doubt, the worst day of any firefighter's life, let alone a NYC firefighter's.

I had to stop; my kids asked me what's wrong? I'm crying as I write. They know why. I've cried everyday since 9-11. I'm not the only one. I'm only one of tens of thousands. On that day, I lost 49 friends, many of them close friends, and many acquaintances.

I guess that's why I'm writing this column. What to do? Where to go? What to say? What to think? I know there are many of you out there thinking the same things. I know — I was just teaching with a bunch of you a few weeks ago. Talked with another a month or so ago late at night. We all feel the same way. Whether you're from NYC or any other department across this great country of ours and you knew someone who's gone, you know how I feel. We can all see it, feel it, and sense it when we're together. We just don't really talk about it.

Recently, while on a work/vacation trip out West, I attended a Little League game with a great friend and his family. His son was playing. He was pitching. Now, I've attended many a kids sporting event or kids play. Many of them with my friend Andy Fredericks. We would watch for hours. Now, whenever I attend any type of event or family function, it really hits home. I think how grateful I am to be able to still be there to attend. I think about those who are watching now from above.

With all the things to do in Northern California, I think my friend Paul was wondering why I wanted to "Just go to a Little League game." He knew why, he's one of us.

That day our little hero pitched eight strikeouts and had five RBI's at bat. And I was grateful just to be there to watch him and his Dad having a great day. By now maybe you've figured out where this column is going; I haven't. Appreciate the times we have together. Tell your kids, your families, your friends you love them. Do the things you've always wanted to do, NOW. Make the most of life. It really is short!

To all my brothers and sisters: I thank you on behalf of the entire FDNY for your support.

ANDY, WE MISS YOU!!!

Mark Wesseldine, FDNY

On Sunday, June 17, 2001, a devastating fire occurred in a hardware store in the Astoria section of the Borough of Queens, New York. Three firefighters — Harry Ford, Brian Fahey, and John Downing — were trapped and died in the fire. Andrew Fredericks was among the responders and tells his emotional story in "Father's Day," his final article for Fire Nuggets, now available to members in the August-November 2001 Archives. (Return to Text)

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