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March-April 2009 |
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Get Hold Of Yourself
If you don’t know where you’re going or how you’ll get there, you can’t effectively lead others. And if you are unwilling to deal effectively with yourself, you can’t deal effectively with others. It’s as simple as that. It’s ALL sequential … inside out, NOT outside-in. Life’s all about choices and building and nurturing relationships. And to build and nurture relationships that last, you need resilience, said Executive Coach Kevin Cashman, author of Leadership From the Inside Out.
Purpose: “The object for which one strives or for which something exists; goal; aim.”
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Cogent Quotes "A person is only as good as what he loves.” — Saul Bellow, writer * * * * * “We are better persuaded by reasons we discover ourselves than by those given us by others.” — Blaise Pascal, mathematician * * * * * “It’s an all-too-human frailty to suppose that a favorable wind will blow forever.” — Rick Bode, writer * * * * * If you pray for rain, be prepared to deal with some mud.” — Mary Englebreit, artist
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A few tips for the future:
Find your purpose.
Purpose or mission is the real reason you’re here. It’s not (always) about who has the most money, best ‘toys,’ biggest car, fanciest house or clothing. It is about finding your passion about life and living life in a way that honors God, family, friends and yourself. Finding your purpose is the most important part of life and living. It provides you the focus, discipline and passion to get up every morning. “Rather than simply amassing achievements or experiences, our lives (should be) about burning a passionate fire that illuminates our way, “ Cashman says.
Be aware to never let that purpose overwhelm you, drain your energy and distract your focus on that which is important.
If we become so single-minded about our job and career, we may begin to ignore a host of physical, spiritual and relationship needs.
Foster your energy.
This is not time management! “Time management is a function of the clock,” Cashman says. “Energy management is the domain of leadership.” He also says that it’s important to do everything we can to keep our energy levels high and more abundant than the challenges we face. That is the essence of resilience.
You have a professional career plan! Well, then, develop a personal energy plan.
List the people in your life who are energy boosters — people who generate positive energy. List those people in your life who are energy drainers — people who are negative and who should have “whine with their cheese.” You know who they are!
Identify the habits that are your energy boosters. What fitness, fun and spiritual habits give you the biggest boost and the greatest gift? The energy plan will include only those habits you really love, enjoy and create the most passion for you.
Exercise for fun.
I know you exercise. Do you think of it as a chore or as something you’re doing for yourself? If you approach exercise as a chore, then stop! It’s probably not worth it. Exercise with the mind-set of “no pain, no gain” is potentially harmful to you physically and emotionally. It can create more fatigue, stress and risk of injury than an exercise plan based on fun and fitness.
Two of the best exercises are walking and swimming. I’ll add a third exercise…water aerobics. Based on how I feel physically…I learned long ago to ‘listen’ to my body…I exercise in our pool at home in the summer and at the local YMCA during the other times of the year.
With my wide-brim hat, tee-shirt, trunks, aqua socks and 10 lb weights attached to each wrist, I jog in chest-to-neck deep water for 40-55 minutes, three to five days a week. I always try to benchmark at least 35 minutes. Twenty minutes is the minimum time you need to gain any benefit from your exercise routine. While in the pool, I think about what I want to do that day and create a mental plan. I listen to the birds sing and look at the clear blue sky. I pray a lot about how truly blessed I am! How God’s winked at me all my life through my family and friends.
What I don’t do is think about what I’m doing. That helps the time go faster and helps me enjoy the exercise. When I’m finished and shower, I feel better about what I’ve done for myself…emotionally, physically and physiologically. My exercise and diet also helps me pass my annual physicals the past 38 years.
Deal with it.
Life is all about choices and relationships. When you make poor lifestyle choices — attitude…behavior…words…people, “they contribute to more misery, suffering, death and overall imbalance in our society than any other cause,” Cashman said.
The choice to smoke cigarettes or other tobacco products or to take drugs causes hundreds of thousand of deaths every year. My parents both smoked; it was a generational lifestyle choice. They paid the price for that choice and stopped a bit too late in their lives. The choice to drink and drive leads to large numbers of deaths and serious injuries every year. Few of us are innocent; others are just unlucky.
To find a reason to change the course for your life, “you must first admit that your habit is damaging your life and possibly others,” Cashman says. The first step in problem identification is what? To identify the problem!
Seek help from professionals, peer support or both. Identify and benchmark the positive attitudes and behaviors and work to replace the old way of thinking, living and acting. Remember: it’s all sequential — inside out, NOT outside in.
Address it.
Stress is a part of life and not all stress is bad. Some positive stressors can get us off our “duffs” and challenge us to do something we’ve procrastinated about for some time. “Stress is determined how we process our world, “ Cashman said. When confronted with some difficult choices, ask yourself the following questions: “What or who is the source of my stress?” In other words, what’s the problem? “What can I control?” “What am I unable to control?” “What can I influence?” “What must I accept?”
As a plane-crash and burn survivor, I learned long ago to ask myself one simple question when faced with personal or professional challenges (stress): “What’s the worst thing that can happen here?” I discovered the answer: “Nothing! The worst thing that could possibly happen to me already has happened. There’s no second place.“ That internal self-talk helps me to maintain my emotional, spiritual and physiological balance. Whatever the issue, I know it could be much worse! Identify, address, turn the page and move on.
KISS it!
I’m Stupid, so Keep It Simple. Simplify your life. Put on your plate only that which you can do and do well. At work and in your personal endeavors: Decide. Delegate. Disappear.
Lily Tomlin once said, “The trouble with the rat race is that when you win, you’re still a rat.”
Change your focus from what you want to what you really need. Wants and needs are two separate issues. You may “want” a BMW or Mercedes, but what you “need” is a comfortable, safe automobile you can afford.
Cashman suggests asking yourself one last question: “What’s the purpose of my wants?” Good question!
And your answer is…?
To my family and friends: Thank you for your support, feedback and wise counsel. Thank you for publishing my articles. God has ’winked’ at me every day through each of you. I value your friendship.
“Captain George” J. Burk, USAF (Ret), “Captain Uncle Pasta,” www.georgeburk.com, phone: 800-769-8568, mobile: 480-212-6321, PO Box 6392, Scottsdale, AZ 85261-6392
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