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September-October 2009 |
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Prepare To Network
Schmooze or schmoozing: Slang. “To chat idly or gossip. A chat.”
Dialogue: “An exchange of ideas or opinions; reaching an agreement by talking through.”
Network: Anything resembling a net in concept or form, as by being dispersed in intersecting lines of communication.”
Schmoozing or chatting comes easy for some people. I’m one of those people, and those who know me well know how valid the definition is to reality. For those who break a sweat at the thought of talking to someone they don’t know or hardly know, let me offer some hope…and a challenge. If I can do it…you can do it! No sweat.
In my article “Leadership and Life’s Lessons: Dining-Out at the United States Naval Academy,” I chronicle how, through networking and asking one of my hosts, I was invited to participate in the ”Capstone Character Excellence Program” at the United States Naval Academy. The article is but one example of the importance to network and, in my case, to ask friends and hosts if they know of other organizations that use speakers or trainers.
No one has a crystal ball. Unknown to me at the time, my invitation to the United Sates Naval Academy began in 1989, passed through five different people and culminated in my first invitation in February 2007. The greatest number of invitations I’ve received the past 25- plus years are a result of personal recommendations and my network. I stay in touch with them via my articles and related information. Think about a Facebook and You Tube presence on the web.
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One important key to success and advancement in any career is to know how and when to mingle with others. Here are a few tips on how to master the art of small talk and a few lessons I’ve learned the past 35 years on how to “schmooze.” |
Do your homework. In other words, research. Read newspapers, trade journals and magazines and listen to the news. When you learn what’s going on beyond the office, that information supplies you with the subject matter for small talk and demonstrates you aren’t a drone or a one-topic individual.
Think talking points. Before going to an event, develop two or three issues you can discuss comfortably with the people you will meet. Jot them down before you go, so they become real. What the hand writes, the brain remembers. Recall is much easier. Brainstorm with yourself on what you might have in common with other people in attendance. Some typical icebreaker starters can be: What brings you here? What have heard about the keynoter, other speakers or trainers? Have you looked at the agenda? Do you know the host? What’s your connection to the host organization? Do you live nearby?
Greet correctly. If a person introduces himself or herself by his or her first name, you can use it, too. However, to be courteous, it’s always a good idea to ask the person if you may address them by their first name. Good manners go a long way and say a lot about your character. Don’t ask their permission, and then later subtly suggest they greet you more formally. That’s being snobbish and hypocritical. When in doubt, use Mr. or Ms., especially if you’re addressing an elderly person. I’ve always made it a habit to address my elders as Mr. or Mrs. or Ms., and those senior to me in the military by their rank — active duty or retired. I always meet and greet people by their rank — Lieutenant, Captain, Chief, Battalion Chief, Senior Chief, Lieutenant Colonel, Colonel. Sergeant Major, etc. Don’t ever invent or use a nickname unless you know the person well.
| If you can’t recall a name, try to recall it by word association…person, place, event, or food. Write the name phonetically on the back of your card or a napkin — whatever’s handy at the moment while the name’s still fresh in your mind. Before you leave, ask them again for their first and last name, just to make sure. |
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Make eye contact. When you meet a person for the first time, make it a habit to determine the color of their eyes. That’s a sure way to make eye contact. Several current staff and graduates of the United States Naval Academy told me that, as part of midshipmen's training, they require the midshipmen to look at a person’s eyes when greeting them. I know this works because I try to do it all the time. When I’ve met someone of the first time or see him or her again weeks or months later, I often say, “blue”, “green” or “brown.” It may startle the person at first, but then I say, “The color of your eyes.” I always receive a smile in return! It’s a great icebreaker, too.
Have a plan. Work the plan. Set a goal to promise yourself that you’ll introduce yourself to a handful of people and that you’ll think of something relevant to talk about. If available, read their bio’s at the event web site; ask your network if they know anyone who will attend the event. Solicit feedback from people you know about some of those at the event you don’t know. Once you’ve achieved that goal, you can feel good about yourself before and after you leave the event. Thereafter, stay in touch with the people you’ve met at conferences and elsewhere via emails and periodical phone calls.
Extend an opening. I’ve learned that one way to draw people out is to ask open-ended questions. A few examples: Have you attended this event before? I noticed the name of your organization on your nametag. What’s your organization’s mission and market? Where are you based? Are you from around here? How’s the family since I last saw you? It’s important to be genuine, honest and open. When you dig a bit deeper, you’ll probably receive real replies from such questions.
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Share personal details. You’re not an investigator or a private eye. Don’t probe other people with a staccato of questions. Ask a question and then take the time to really listen. Be prepared to share what you do, how long you’ve done it and other related information. Be succinct and offer examples of the interesting and challenging things you do. Tie them to your personal likes, as well. People don’t need or want to know other more personal details like your martial status, children’s well-being or how things are going at your work. Remember: negative begets negative. |
Listen. Really listen…with your ears and not your mouth. Provide verbal and non-verbal cues to let the other(s) know that you are with them, tracking with what they are saying. Remain interested and honestly engaged. Ask open-ended questions relevant the dialogue. What happened next? What did you do? What did you say? Don’t cross you arms or demonstrate any other negative cues.
| Beware of negative body language. I’m sure you’ve heard and know about negative non-verbals. However, they should always be re-enforced. Don’t lean back in your chair and/or cross your arms when you talk to others. That screams of your total disinterest or dare I say, your arrogance. When you sit or stand straight and establish and retain eye contact, you tell others that you ARE interested. Offer a firm handshake and, as I was taught early in my life by my parents and later re-enforced in the military, don’t shake a women’s hand unless she offers her hand first. Both actions are a basic sign of respect — self-first, then others, internal, then external. It tells a lot about you. |
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Be efficient. “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.” Don’t beat a dead horse. If the first, second or third person you approach doesn’t appear interested, move on. Don’t take it personal. Whatever the reason(s), they are the other person’s and not yours. Maybe they got out of the wrong side of the bed. They might be in a hurry to find their seat or leave the event as quickly as possible. Perhaps they just spotted their boss and need to talk to him or her. If that happens to you, be polite, excuse yourself and offer a reason for your apparent haste to leave. Again, being courteous says a lot about you. People will remember you for that random act of kindness and courtesy.
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Leave a card. As I’ve suggested to the senior midshipmen at the United States Naval Academy and other audiences, make sure you have a current business card and use it as a “leave behind“ when you attend conferences, luncheons and related events. Keep a few business cards in your wallet or purse, too. You never know when you’ll meet someone…serendipity… synchronicity…it happens when you least expect it. When you leave an event, make it a goal to leave with a handful or more of other people’s business cards. Jot down where you met them on their card. Then, when you return home, send them an email — better still…write a handwritten note and tell them where you met them and thank them for their time. Most people don’t do this anymore. I know this from feedback! That’s quality. That’s advertising. |
One other suggestion: if you have a web site, copy your web site on a DVD and use that as a leave behind, too. I do and it’s a great networking and marketing tool.
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So…be the candle and not the mirror. Know where you’ll stop your story. Speak to be understood and plant many ideas in other’s minds so the ideas will grow. And today’s “cash”? Spend it wisely. |
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Never stop learning. Go back to school. Read Books. Read poetry and the classics. Write a book. Get more training. Acquire more knowledge, skills and abilities.
Captain George Burk, USAF (Ret)., inspirational speaker, author and writer, plane crash and burn survivor. www.georgeburk.com. P O Box 6392, Scottsdale, AZ 85261-6392. Phone: 800-769-8568, Mobile phone: 480-212-6321
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